18. Isolation

Cocaine and Pornography

Sometimes life gives you two options: losing yourself or losing the one you love. Whatever it is, don’t lose yourself. — Unknown<

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For so many years my father had fought. with all the means at his disposal. to posses me. Possessing me was the long con, years in the making. He had a singular goal to take me away from my mother. Once I was taken, he made no attempt to be a father to me ever again. In fact, he term “father,” isn’t the right way to describe him at this point. Instead, I will refer to him as dod, an ironic acronym for “dear old dad.”

Dod fit perfectly the profile of a sociopath. He was a clever, expert psychological manipulator, whom, like in the classic cautionary tale, The Strange Case of Jekyll and Hyde, had been pretending for years to be Dr. Jekyll, when in fact, he was really Mr. Hyde all along. He was a full-fledged narcissist who believed the world should revolve around him, a paranoid man convinced that enemies were against him, and was filled with enough rage and violence to rival any mass murderer. Most importantly, he was very intelligent and charming, which allowed him to groom others to be his allies. Dod had managed to dupe those around him into thinking that he was desperate to be reunited with his daughter. He attracted a gamut of supporters who were eager to help and took advantage of their assistance whenever he could. Truth be told, he really didn’t want to be my caretaker, he was only playing a role. It was all for show. During my life, he had never really parented me. My mother did of course, but when I was with my father, it was Tante or the friends we visited who were my real caretakers. On our visits he mostly just “entertained” me.