20. Reprieve

Alfred I. Dupont Institute

Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible. — Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

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Finally the day arrived and I was ready to travel to Wilmington, Delaware. I felt like one of those people from the olden days who took long journeys by carriage or train for some special occasion. While it didn’t take days to travel, the importance of the journey made it feel that way. For me, it became an adventure. It had been over a year since my last admission, a long stretch for me so I thought I might feel uncomfortable, a little rusty as it were. But I was so happy to be finally going, as well as for the change of scenery, that I didn’t worry about it. I soon realized that I really had nothing to worry about. Being in the hospital for me, was like the expression about riding a bike: all one had to do was hop on and start riding. As we approached Wilmington, all my experiences came back to me and I knew what to expect, bringing a sense of serenity which overcame me. I was ready; I wanted this. I was one step closer to feeling whole, to being a normal person. While we traveled in the taxi from the train station to AIDI, I could hear my heart audibly beat. I was that excited.

I’ve said it before: I realize how bizarre it seems that I’d be excited to check into a hospital for a few months, but that’s exactly how bizarre my life was. The doctors had told dod that I was to be in AIDI for about twelve weeks. It would be a time without chores, cigar smoke, cat pee, drunk men, and uncomfortable situations. It would be months with playmates that wouldn’t make fun of me, of education and recreation, of outdoor play around trees and grass, and most importantly, for the most part, time without dod. Wilmington was a few hours away from NYC, and even longer from Maine, which meant that AIDI was neutral territory. My mother could actually visit me without dod leering over her. I understood the distance might limit who could travel to see me, but I welcomed the admission even without the possibility of visitors.